Here for a longtime not a goodtime.

Was with some trepidation that I entered the Nduro 12hr. Due to a combination of a new job, only owning a singlespeed and being a lazy bugger, my longest ride all summer has only been 4 hours. I had a free entry from winning last year though (I won’t mention there was only 3 racers and one of them didn’t turn up) so I really had nothing to lose. Except for my pride and self respect of course…..



Was surprising organised entering a full 5 days before hand and even having a full functioning bike. After my breakthrough 2 place at the Makara peak challenge (some might say NZ’s most prestigious Monday evening fundraising time trial) I felt I had reached the pinnacle of singlespeed racing so instead opted for gears on my litespeed. Being the bush hardman I am though I was still rocking a 34/32 as my smallest gear.




Despite leaving after work on Friday the traffic was sweet (clearly transmission gully is redundant) except for some mountain bikers in a Lada driving between 60-80km/h refusing to pull over. The sweet retro fat chance on the roofrack was pretty cool though. It made me angryer than Clive waiting for a bus, something I would harness later in my race



The start was scheduled for a leisurely noon so after a sleep in we set up camp and went into town for some breakfast. Had some cracking French toast and a smoothie at Zippies then stopped in to Kiwibikes to chat to Jeff and drop off Davo’s new frame. If only there was a bare chested street brawl it would have been a classic Rotorua day.



Just like the weather, the competition had heated up with about 20 solo12 hour racers entered. A couple of guns from Aussie had made the trip over but more concerning was Mickey “the mouth” Fan, my arch nemesis from the OUMBC (Otago University Mountain bike Club for those not in the know) With New Zealand’s fastest gay Asian midget racing, it wasn’t going to be an easy day.







A Le Mans start got me to put my run training into use and the Nduro 12hours of pain was underway. The course consisted of Tahi, Creek, Ball and chain, Mad if you don’t, Sweet and Sour parts II and III, Dragonstail, Lions trail and home. While not the steepest or most technical course it was still surprising hard work. From the start I was using all my gears and there was really nowhere to get any rest. I spared a thought for young Jacko, he as going to have it tough. I got off to a quickish start learning from previous 12hr’s where I got stuck behind slow traffic losing precious minutes on the first lap. Mickey flew past me half way through lap one even having the cheek to use the bushlove trademark “I’m cumming inside you”’. I really should start charging royalties. Knowing Mickey he was premature…………





Rode my own race for the first 3-4 laps and due to the length of the lap and lack of traffic felt I was riding by myself for most of the time. Mickey got out to a few minute lead but started reeling him in by laps 4-5. Mrs K did a great job keeping me informed so I knew the story. I finally caught him on lap 6 and put the boot in. He was looking a bit shattered so talked up how good I was feeling (and how great cold pizza was). Within a few minutes had put a good few hundred meters on him and thought he was doneburger. To his credit he fought back and we dueled for the rest of the lap. I haven’t seen any lap times but think it would have been one of my faster ones. I had my lights on my helmet from the start (in retrospect a bad idea as my neck was killing me from the extra weight) so didn’t have to stop when it got dark. This gave me a few minutes break on Mickey which he would never catch up. Doing the math’s I knew 11 laps was going to be my race and as planned finished this off in just over 11hours, thankfully saving me from having to go out on a 12th. Felt surprising good on the last lap but was glad it was over. A beer's never tasted so good.










In the end my effort was good enough for 2 overall, and first Kiwi. Pretty stoked given my lack of riding. Huge respect to all the crazy souls who steep up for the 24hour challenge, you really are mental. Jacko proved himself to be the hardest Bushlover (taking the title off yours truly although I’m still the sexist) taking out the NZ 24 solo single speed champs and 3rd overall. I’m sure he’ll be posting something up any minute now.



I’d like to thank my sponsors but seeing as I don’t have any I’ll thank Mrs K who did an amazing job cooking, feeding, timing, organizing and encouraging me for the race. Apart from pedaling she did all the hard work.

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Angry, Davo & Ash Share A Screaming-O

Having decided after Karapoti I wasn’t going to do any races until my knee totally healed up a promise I was determined to keep I entered the inaugural Screaming O being my 3rd race since Karapoti.. nice one.. Well Davo peer pressured me into it.

The course was starting from the Catchpool centre South of Wainui, along the 5 mile track then out along the river, the MTB stage was 20km and then back up along coast road for another 9kms, I could see it would be a quick race so was surprised to see estimated time of between 2 & 4 hours on the entry form

Arriving nice and early in Wainui on Sunday morning, just early enough to see the local lasses doing their walks of shame. Twas a nice warm morning and the sun was shining so I knew we were in for a treat. As I was doing the MTB and Road I delivered my shiny freshly Slacky serviced roadie to the transition area and went back to talk smack with Davo.

Race starts... straight into confusion as an arrow on the 'warning cyclists' sign was pointing the wrong way, but luckily we all ignored it. Up front was Hiskey, me, Davo, Marco and keen Ken Fiest on his Cyclocrosser (hmm thats going to be fun down the river) , while ash was in the front pack of girls (in this case a pack = 3) . Hiskey quickly pulled out a lead followed by Feisty Feist then Davo then me, Davo then had a cornering/chain fail and I passed him and quickly caught up to Ken, Davo was also passed by Nick Waring.

The 5 mile track is really nice and flowy and its wasted on the trampers, but alas its a bit short and after about 20 or so minutes we emerged at the end of it, riding over a nice hoop bridge and onto the river bed, with instructions to head down stream. This was a bit difficult as there was no real track just boulders, but luckily I spotted someone in a fluro top on the other side so crossed the river and said "which way?" to which they replied "I dont know ". I think it was just a spectator, so just followed my nose and headed downstream smashing through multiple river crossings.

About 50 metres ahead I spotted Hiskey , tripod and slide camera out, taking photos of the view . Now this is the first time I think I have seen Hiskey in a race other than at the start line or him lapping me, so I went all out and narrowed up the lead to what felt like spitting distance . I surprised Hiskey , who packed up his cumbersome, heavy photo equipment and pulled out a lead again.


From there there where several longish climbs and some nasty steep pinches. On the last one I could just make out Hiskey up ahead collecting money for disadvantaged children who cant read and stuff, so I managed to close the gap while he wasn’t looking. I checked behind and there was no one there, but I was expecting Davo to come steaming though, so got into the flow and busted it along the track checking back to see if I could spot Davo, who was a minute back, trading the lead in the MTB Only class with Nick Waring on the pinch climbs . Davo's powerful shanks eventually got the better of Nick when he big-ringed a couple of the climbs, Nick sadly had a mechanical shortly after. All the while Ash was in the "middle aged men that ride nice bikes once a week" bunch (in this case bunch = 10). Times were rough for the newest Bushy that day.

The transition was quick, luckily I had stuck SPD's on my roadie (thanks for the tip Davo) and I was off again, but damn my speedo fell off so had to stop go back and pick it up and stick it back on, then I heard a nice BUSHLOVE war cry from Davo as he latched onto my rear wheel, he had put in a monster effort towards the end of the MTB leg to try and catch me and (so he thought) a nice draft back to the finish. Now lets do the math: a 2008 Dura ace Scott Addict race bike vs. a circa 1990's Specialised S-Works MTB... Bye Bye Davo - as he could only hold my wheel for 10 seconds, but thats fine as we where racing different classes anyway and I had hoped Davo could get a draft off me to the finish.

The head wind was ferocious and was hard to even hit 30 into it (or 10 if you're Ash) , however Ian Paintin was out having a lovely Sunday ride and gave me a bit of a tow into the headwind and luckily I spotted Hiskey up ahead again - he had found a nasty pothole and was busy filling it so as not to be a hazard to other riders, which I thought was nice, he spotted me just about to catch him so he compacted the last layer of bitumen and took off again.


Into the finish line and had nearly narrowed the gap again as Hiskey had stopped for some Yoga and Pushups, but in the end I was stoked to get 2nd, only 2 minutes 30 seconds behind Hiskey, Davo came in about 4 minutes later after smashing it using his fork crown as roadie drops, I kid you not. 45 minutes later Ash finished to the sound of Davo saying "man did you crash??"


Ash the newest Bushy came in 2nd in open women’s MTB which rounded up a stonkfest for BLRT.

The course was awesome due to some slick organising from Shane, Jill and the marshals, check out this link for other awesome events http://www.betterthantv.co.nz/
You can learn all about the event by visiting
http://www.screamingo.co.nz/ or if you have more time on your hands swap the co.nz for .com FTW.


Soon after we packed up and headed for home, news began circulating about Whacko's huge Singlespeed 24hr Solo win and Nick's 12hr solo silver, up in Rotorua. An outstanding weekend's results for the Clan Bushlove. 2 golds and 3 silvers.

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This just just in..... + More Breaking News!

Whacko is the toughest Bushlover

Big Gay Al from the RnR Team has just sent in the Whacko Jacko Did some 288km in 24 hours on a SS, 3rd overall in Solo, and 1st SS.

Wot a hardout

[Edit] And in other breaking news, Nicko Kennedy claims second in the 12hr solo at the same N-Duro event.

Meanwhile at the inaugural Screaming-O in the Orongarongas back in sunny Wellington, Davo takes the win in the MTB class and third overall behind Angry Clive who got second both overall and in the MTB/Road class. 

Fresh-faced Bushlovette, Ashley got second in the MTB class Open Women. 

Buhslove Gloryfest FTW.

Massive props to the Whacko. Incredible riding. In addition to being the hardest Bushlover, he is probably the undisputed "Sorest Bushlover". Good luck wiping your bum without crying tonight Jack.

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Number 1

Alas the moment you've all waited for...the first post by the first girl member...and how appropriate that it will be about a race. Yes that's right i decided to do the Triple Peaks in Hastings (aka. the triple peaks of hell) over the weekend. So here's the run down:

I took the bus (that's right i don't have a car, or clearly any friends) with a fabulous stop over in Palmy, arriving at 9.30pm. As you might not know I'm a Nana, and this was already 30 minutes past my bed time. Nevertheless, i met up with a friend who was going to run the race and we were going to stay with his Nana. Now time for a side story- Rob being a fairly fit guy thought that his running 5k once a week was more than sufficient preparation for a 47k mountain run.

Now back to the story- when i saw him i said "So are you excited about tomorrow?" his reply: "what's tomorrow?"...yep that's right, rob thought the race was Sunday. So an hour later Rob had stopped at the grocery store to pick up race food and eat Chinese for tea. his Nana was lovely and we had a wee chat, alas i was in bed by midnight.Fast forward to 4.45am wake up call. (nothing exciting happened during that time). anyways, we sit down to eat our pre race meal- mine being the usual bagel, peanut butter and banana (yes I'm American), and rob being left over Chinese takeaways.

oh i forgot to mention the best part...i picked up my race number and that's right...i was number 1. not 101 or 10, but actually number 1. It could only mean good things, that and lots of stares from people thinking I'm pretty awesome.

Start line was sweet with baby oil on my legs (thanks Ricky) it could only mean good times to be had by all. i some how ended up in the first little bunch (i thought we were just hanging around, and then i noticed that i was a bit too close to the front). It was 'non competitive' start where we followed a truck...i thought i was rockin' it while keeping up with the front girls...then the truck pulled away, ah the disappointment, was that not race pace? shit.

Race details:
up one big hill, bagpipes on top-sweet, down big hill. repeat x 3. add a bit/lot of bike carrying, 20 or so farm gates, 15 pieces of licorice, 2 liters of water, an Em's power cookie and 4 hours and 38 minutes later i finished. an hour earlier Nic finished- she's crazy good. so 4th place didn't feel too bad at all.

So what happened to Rob you might ask?? he finished only 30 minutes after me. who would have thought eh?

Food for thought: eat Chinese the night and morning before a race and you will go fast

Love it, love it, love it

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Chocolate Caramel Cups Recipe

By popular request, here is the recipe for the chocolate caramel cups I made today.

Makes 24 mini cups, takes about 20 mins to make and 2 hours to set.

180g anzac biscuits

60g melted butter

325g can of condensed milk

2 tbs golden syrup

20 g extra butter

30g kremelta

125g dark chocolate

1. Preheat oven to 160 (180 fan forced). Grease two 12 hole mini muffin tins. 

2. Process biscuits into fine crumbs, add butter and process to combine. Press crumbs into base of prepared holes.  Chill until needed.

3. Combine condensed milk, golden syrup and extra butter in a pot over moderate heat.  Cook and stir for 5-6 minutes until it thickens (watch it doesn't burn).  Spoon mixture evenly into holes - easiest if you keep the caramel warm while you do this.  Bake for 10 minutes until centres are firm.

4. Melt kremelta in small pot over a low heat, add finely chopped chocoate and stir until melted and combined.  Spread chocolate mixture over caramel - again easiest if you keep chocolate warm while you do it.

5.  Chill until set - recipe said 4 hours but they were ready in 2 today.  I used those plastic muffin pans as well which made them really easy to get out.

Sarah

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Bushlove's New Wonderwoman - Ashley

The Bushlove Boys Club has been moderated and enhanced through the addition of Ashley Burgess!

Hailing from Arizona (Go the Cardinals!) and now making Wellingtron her home, Ashley is a cracking bike racer, lulz generator and even rolls on a singlespeed. 

Thanks to her presence the Bushlove Racing Team will be 'co-ed' for the first time and will go from smelling exclusively of two ride old chamois, to a more pleasant lavender scent. 

At last Tiger has a team member he can borrow outfits from.

Welcome aboard Ash'. Great to have you on the Team. 

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Makara Smashfest

Been looking forward to this one especially after missing it last year. Coach was confident of a good result and legs where feeling strong after a long taper. Carbo loaded through the day and wore my skins under clothes at work to be in peak condition.

Some last minute positive visualization (its all in the top 10% when you’re such a finely tuned athlete) and I was good to go. Seeded number two after reigning champ Slacky was a bit of a shock (and frankly I thought a bit of a piss take) but at least means I’d have a clear run. Some last minute sledging on the start line and I was off.

Being such a short race I knew I’d have to start fast especially if I was gong to avoid being passed by too many peeps. Within a minute was anaerobic and it stayed that way to the finish. Goal was to slowly reel in Slacky and by the middle of Koru had him in my sights. Being the gentleman he is he pulled over and let me pass (and within 10m I was repaying the favour to Ed who proceeded to ride away never to be seen again).

Managed not to have an epic spill despite the dappled light conditions on Sally Alley and before I knew I was at the 4wd. Missing link gave me a brief respite from the pain but before I knew it I was pointing up hill again. My fast start caught up with me half way up Aratihi including a slight dab on one of the hairpins. Had to dig deep to suffer to the top. Those lactate threshold intervals really paid off.

Reached the top in 29 flat.

The downhill half of the race was uneventful except for a few sketchy moments on bits of loose gravel. Didn’t have much confidence in my bald rear tire so held back a tad. Was sure Slackys madcore huck skills would catch me on the downs but managed to keep clear and ride at my own pace.

Skids across the line for a 39.20 and second place.

Prizegiving turned into the usual Bushlove lolfest and even picked up a spot prize for possibly the first time eva. Bushlove took another step to world domination with 2^nd, 3^rd, 5^th, 6^th and 10^th places.

Cheers to Pete (Vert) for organizing the race, Bikebarn for their support and of course the Makara peak supporters for building such fine tracks.

After such a prestigious second place I’m sure I’ll be beating off the sponsors.

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Makara Peak Grand Loop Time Trial

The 2nd Edition of the Makara Peak Grand Loop Challenge was help on Monday evening. Run brilliantly by Pete Marshal ('Vert' on Vorb) and generously sponsored by Bike Barn. A Vorb thread on the event is right here

The event is a time trial of the loop made up of Koru, Sally alley, Missing Link, Aratihi, ridgeline, Ridgeline Ext, Swigg and Starfish. Last years Champion - Slackshanks Of Bushlove - was out to defend his title and the team were certainly betting on him. The BLRT bookmakers fancied a win by Slackshanks followed home by Mono and Ed Crossling. The results and the evening unfolded a little differently.......

The start times are arrived at via "Self Seeding". This shouldn't be funny or rude, but is. Slackshanks' hot Poti' time combined with his reigning Champ status meant he was off first. He rocketed up the first pinch climb of Koru Dry Feet. Oh yes, we thought - Bushlove has it in the bag.

Nick started off shortly after Slackster and despite looking sluggish on the Koru Dry Feet slope, managed to reel in the mighty calves of doom on the climbs. Sadly he forgot to use the gold line "coming inside of you" when he deftly negotiated a passing manoeuvre, relegating Slackshanks, who the bookmakers believed would take time out of anyone on the descent and therefore was still very much in the game.

Thanks to a cunning lie by stating his fastest Poti' time as 2:59.59, Davo got to leave after Tiger and Clive. And after pulling in his 15sec and 30sec riders, to his great surprise came up behind Tiger on Aratihi. Tiger and Davo's efforts on the climb brought them to within spitting distance of Angryman but they couldn't reach him before the descent.

Tiger had a minor fail on the rollers going into Ridgeline and Davo snuck by to get onto Clive's tail. After nearly 'buying the farm' a couple of times, Davo made it past at Ridgeline Ext junction and fought to keep the gap on his rigid machine over Angry and Tiger. All three finished within seconds of each other. Davo's hands were so pumped it apparently felt like he had been self-seeding for a week.

The mighty Mono Sharpie turned up as predicted, shortly before the start, but it turned out was not there to smash the field, but was instead there with lovely Mrs Sharpie to show off his new Litespeed 29er and to support the tribe. Special thanks to the Sharpies for generously distributing yummy spot prizes to the Bushlovers, in the form of choccy Primo's. Mono got some hugs and a package tap for his troubles.

It was a fine evening with good company and a very social feel to the whole thing. A good spread of riders had made the effort to come out in support of the Makara Peak Supporters and record a time on this classic loop. Bike Barn were generous with the spotties and in addition to fine results, Nick and Davo both got a spotty. A grand evening indeed.

All 5 Bushies racing fitted into the Top Ten which was a mint result. Ed Crossling took the win with a super quick time, Nicko got a fine 2nd and Davo rounded out the top spots, narrowly preventing a Crossling fest.

Ed Crossling
Nick Kennedy
Dave Aldred
Al Crosling
Josh Wrigley
Clive AngryAsHell Bennett
Ricky Slackshanks Pincott
Niall Frost
Rob Holmes
Tiger Keith

Thanks to Shane for the pics in the signature blurry style (and for taking Davo home).

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Hospital race (fun ride)

When it comes to supporting your community and spreading a little love around, Angry comes up trumps always willing to stump up some cash for a chance to smash my fellow filthy roadies on the hills.
So on hearing about the inaugrual Hospital fun ride taking in a favourite of mine the Makara hill, I signed up.
Now a hospital ride is a bit of an oxymoran as road racing (I meant fun ride) is inherently a wee bit dangerous, just one crash would pretty much wipe out all charitable profits from the ride, but that thought didnt stop 250 other keeners showing up on a brisk sunday morning in Porirua.
I had cycled out from Karori with John and Malcolm meeting a few others along the way including my old mates Sean and Craigy with newspaper stuffed down my to keep out the cold.
The ride started promptly at 8am and with a police escort through to the end of Tawa everyone attempted to warm up as it was a touch nippy.
Along Middleton road the pace picked up and I was up front with 2 Pennys riders, 1 other on a rather nice carbon Colagno and a thursday hills nemisis Patrick.
Half way up Ironside road I turned around for a looksee and mostly everyone behind our group was gone so focused on the couple of guys ahead of me and enjoying the police escort.

The pace went on nicely around Makara and before you knew it we hit the bottom of Makara Hill, the pace initially was a bit slow so I chopped up a couple of gears and led the sprint up the hill to pour a bit of pain on for the others, but they where having none of this, so we bunched up a wee bit and cruised to the summit, Patrick had timed the ascent at 7mins 51sec from the church, not my PB but still not a bad effort considering we had come from Porirua.
Now the fun started, the descent down the other side was pretty fast and whipping up Karori road with a police escort (1 car and 2 motorbikes) was excellent the cops where stop everyone at the lights and intersections to give us free passage.
Through Marsden Village my lovely family where there cheering me on which was really awesome as it puts some lead back in your pencil. From there is was down Aro road at a frightening speed of 65kph, before going up Ohariu road and down Happy Valley road around the bays and heading back inland to the Hospital, was great to see Oli nearly ready with a camera catching this really awesome shot of my awesomeness as you can see my front wheel is really shiny. :)
Over a couple of hills we went and into the hospital grounds all finished in a time of 1 hour 24 minutes and a 2nd placing for Angry.. and a 1st for 25-40 category.

Moar glory for BLR.
Photos courtesy of http://www.roadcycling.co.nz/

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Excuses, Excuses - Goldie's Karapoti Debrief

Isn't it funny how mountain bikers come up with every excuse under the sun why they didn't fire during a race.

I`m no exception, I`ve got plenty!! I never thought i`d say this, but i think i was just a little well prepared for this years Karapoti.

Firstly i had my bike serviced during the week with all new cables after the mud bath in Nelson.
I bought a new bite valve for my camel pack. I mixed me drinks up and got me muesli bars ' with nicely cut off ends for easy access' the night before. Had a great high carb pasta meal backed up with a top

sleep and a nice early hearty brekky. I felt good! Really fresh after a reasonably quiet summer of racing.

Anyway, on the start line ready to smash it! Got away to a fairly good start after my swim and then trying to keep safe with everyone riding frantically up into the gorge trying to get as close to the front as possible. Came into the warm up climb just keeping a nice rhythm and making good progress, then through to deadwood and everything going good, towards the top there was myself, Patrick Avery, legend Rob K, up and coming legend Anton Cooper and the pace was good.

Anyway we flew through to the rock garden, smashed the rock garden then carried and rode the staircase where possible at a good brisk pace edged on by the professional Rob.
This is where i came across me first problem, i reached back for one of my muesli bars and hello its bloody dissolved, it had filled up with water from the river crossing at the start and being one of those muffin bake type bars it was just mush. Shit no food!! Now i thought i better up the fluid intake a bit, but this new bite valve was crap, once i got it flowing it wouldn't stop. Shit!! I tried to slurp down as much as i could. At this stage i thought it`s gonna be OK i`m still feeling good.
Some dude Oliver someone had caught us by now and we railed on down big ring with me rob and Oliver getting a good gap on the other two youngsters.

This is where it really turned to custard, through dopers creek and started climbing then, crunch, crunch, crunch, shit my gears, i tried adjusting them but just made things worse, my bloody new cables had stretched!!

I just could not climb outta dopers, and i could feel the body starting to slowly shut down.
There is nothing more frustrating, my jog slowed to a brisk walk then to almost a crawl as got passed by Patrick and Anton then ed, Big Gav then Jase Mcarty and a couple of others I think. Cramp starting setting in by now just to keep me honest. Finally got to the top and ambled down the valley cramp at its best, had to stop after dropping my bottle of cramp spray, weaved my way through the challenge riders and to the finish.

So at the end of the day i can say i didn't exactly smash Karapoti but Karapoti definitely smashed me!

I can`t say that i really enjoyed myself and if you ask me tomorrow if i`m entering next year, its a big no way!! But ask me in 3 months time and see what i say? I may be up for some revenge.

Big up`s to everyone that finished on Saturday, give yourselves a big pat on the back if its not too sore, and remember it was never meant to be easy!

Goldie

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Karapoti - YFY, Woot & Result!!

Poti was finally here, a year of waiting since the last one and this time I trained properly Woot Woo.

So it was the night before Christmas when coach had sent me some pre race instructions, I love not having to think when it comes to these things. No nerves at this stage just clean bike, tune, pack, prepare food and test the lycra out... hmmm silky. Start last meal before bed time, I'm a suckers for fat, creamy chicken, chilli, wine pasta (Home made of course). Slapped some last minute smack talk on Vorb and headed to bed.

Woke with a spring in my step. its Christmas finally! But Santa the bastard didn't leave a present this year, he left pain and suffering!!! Started my pre race morning routine shit, shower, spank, shave the secret S's for pre race weight loss ;)

Into the car and off I went, bike riding inside today to keep it extra clean and shinny. Arrived at the venue only to be told no 2wd vehicles past this point, bugger that I thought "Oh I'm just going to drop some gear off" I said... Yeah Right! Cruised right up to the bridge and parked on the side of the road where there was ample room. Unpacked and began to chat with Angry about how we were both going to smash those slow pros that should have raced age grade like the pre-entry suggestion tells them. Dydimo dipped the bike and headed into the village for a last minute sift.

Right so all I wanted from this race was to join the sub 3hr Karapoti hall of fame. Started my warm up on the wind trainer with differing views of riders by "Damn I should have brought mine", "Hey good idea warming up on the wind trainer", "Cock!", “Tosser” Ah yes stupid you say, but I felt great at the start and shot off like the condom that flew around the room...

A great start for me but I still had in mind to cruised The Gorge, warm up on the Warm Up Climb and then give it stick from there on. Some would like to think I like to come from behind, I say better a pitcher than a catcher ;) My plan worked well, giving me enough energy to get through Deadwood without touching down and pulling Slackboy & Angry Clive in later in the race.

Rock Garden Rock'd!!! WTF is with this walking talk pussy boys? Nailed this from top to bottom and pick up places all the way down. Gave it the hard push up the Devil's Staircase, and then it was mechanical time... I have no idea how this happened but I somehow managed to twist one of my chain links 90% sideways... yes that is sideways the wrong way... Got off and yelled expletives like a 'Mono' chasing his stolen bike down the road. Right! then the SlackGod roared past on his elephant sized wheels crowing like a cock on 'P'. Managed to twist the chain back straight again only loosing maybe 4-5min and away I went. Opened it up along Big Ring Boulevard but nothing was going to bring back the SlackGod, calves of doom and wheels the size of elephants he was gone. Bottom of Dopers and I was on for about a 2hr 55min finish but suffered a little mentally. Digging the heels in to the top I finally started on the downhill finish to home, or so I thought... Does anyone else find The Gorge demoralizing at the end of 45 odd km??? Its flat or fucking downhill for god sacks, it should be easy... Anyway the clock said get your arse into gear Mr or you will be packing another box of tissues for the ride home. Rode like I stole it down the Gorge, along the tarmac and through the river for the last time only to hear "2hrs 58mins 40sec" while exiting the water, FUCK ME!!! time to haul ass... as I rounded the final corner I could hear family and friends SCREAMING Go, Ride Tony, Ride!!! Head down I pinned it across the line to the sound of the commentator which I will never forget "Here comes Tony Keith dipping under the 3 hour mark"

Elated I dropped the bike after crossing the line and proceeded to cramp on both hamstring and quads for the next 5mins. I didn’t care I was there and under 3 hours Woot Woo.

Also really enjoyed the sifting round after the race talking dribble with good mountain biking friends. Well that is until Mono pointed out some dude he thought had a boner in his lycra shorts... Ewwwwwww!

Some Poti suggestion for future first timers:
- Brand new brake pads before you start (Sintered)
- Grippe new tyres (UST or install a Stand Tubeless kit) - A must to run tubeless for Poti, I ran Larsen TT's and would race nothing else to tell the truth
- Liquid, Liquid, Liquid
- Spare tubes x2 at least, with pump & tyre leavers
- Bike tool
- Knads the size of basket balls, carefully tucked to the side of your seat
- A good sense of humour, especially towards your fellow bikers. They are out there suffering the same as you, or is it they are just as stupid as you for doing this?!?!?!?

Cramp you say... Well I'm no expert, actually I don't think there is an expert out there otherwise they would be famous and fucking rich!!! The only prep I can half attribute to keep cramp at bay was. A good distance base before the race (Training), lots of liquid including electrolytes but I don't use them during training, and a good warm up. I did however find it was the river/cold water that brought on the cramp and my mental stubbornness that made it go away (Push through it).

A BIG thanks Lisa Morgan my coach who has been great in coaching me to all of my events this year, but mostly Karapoti's sub 3. It would not have been possible without you. Rockets Bikes & Merida for the race kit & bike, it was great to see more and more Merida’s out there and the bright race kit of Rocket cruising the crowds.

Most of all loads of thanks definitely hast to go Jacinda & Tyler my wife & daughter for their support and love through all my training and races around N.Z, love you both and appreciate everything you do for me.

Next race bring it on!!!

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Grinding Paste

Was amped for K Time this year, new bike that was just meant for this race and was feeling pretty fit despite my knee knijury a few weeks back... Ill keep this short , theres gonna be plenty of bushloving to come. So just some bullet points

1. Start
2. Pedal hard
3. Into the gorge ahead of Slacky, Mono & Tiger woohoo, the race is mine

4. Damm they are still behind me
5. Double Damm Slacky past me
6. Great I passed Slacky having a nap
7. Into the first climb
8. Excellant still ahead of the other lovers
9. Down that crappy shingle shit... slooowwly
10. Up Deadwood climb, I think still ahead of Mono, def Slacky and Tiger.. I am a riding god.
11. Along the Deadwood, cant see through glasses, cant take off because the shits flying
12. Into Clousten turn off, took the left hand line, the rights shit
13. Coming up to the Rock Garden I hear the roar of the Tiger as im nannying the descents
14. Into the Rock Garden, 8 mins ahead of PB on for a 2:50 My courage deserts me and I walk the hard bits
15. Bottom of Devils I drop my mojo
16. Half way up Nick passes me in such a jovial state I think he's medicated.
17. Marco passes me
18. Tons of others pass me.
19. Thinking my legs and dodgy knees aint made for Devils
20. TOP.. yay, Ooh look theres my Mojo, Nick must have picked it up and left it for me.
21. Along Big ring, passed Marco again looking a bit broken. Woohoo was still on for a 2:50
22. Along towards Dopers.. BOOM, (dramatic effect) front tyre goes.
23. Stuck a tube in and carried on
24. Then start hearing a clicking sound from the front brakes, hmmm that will be the pad spring
25. Stopped and checked brakes, all gone WTF!!.. new pads before the race.
26. Lost mojo again
27. Walked some sections of Dopers as I knew I couldnt smash it from the top without front brakes
28. Hit the top, ambled down to the river and smashed it down the gorge just using the back brakes.
29. Across the river, choosing the deep line for extra spectator lulz
30. 3:11 ewweeeh...

2010 GOTO step 1

Excellant stuff from the Tiger just sneaking in under 3 hours, Slacky for telling his head pain dont count ,Mono for riding a girls bike, and Whacko for being Whacko

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Nipplegate shocker

Where o where have the ends of my poor nipples gone. The poor lil buggars got rubbed raw at the Karapoti. Gawdamn do they hurt.

So after the mudfest of Nelson, I thought we'd have got the wet races out of the way. Yeah but no, it was not to be, and the rain slayed down upon the Karapoti the day before the race, and indeed up til near the start.
Race day started nice and early picking up Cam, then Al and Ed and heading out the the Burkes Lovebus to the track. Plan was to get there early, get a good park, etc etc. turns out everyone else had the same idea, gutted, thwarted even!!!!
But we set up out tent so we had somewhere dry to sift for a bit, set out bits up ( I tuck to the left, personal choice). Ed, Al and I, all lubed our legs up nice and shiny. Bit of a sift, bit of shit-talk, and a bit of warming up saw us at the start line.
Lots and lots of people lined up in the open class. Including a heap of people that didn't have a shit show chance in hell of pulling a sub 3. And the retards were all crowding the front. For fucks sake, if your going to be arrogant enuff to start in the open class, at least let teh fast boys to the front so we don't have to deal with all your cockknockers making it even harder for us. And all the fast boys being 3/4 the way across the river before the start, cheeky fuckers. So thru the mad melee at the start, and winding the way thru all the wannabee's that really had no right being there at all we got into it. Thru the concrete blocks near the top of the gorge and the 2nd bunch was way grouped up and the pace was a bit weak. So I forced thru to the front and rode off, some went with, but looking back it really stretched the group out. Into the first wee climb at the top of the gorge and chainsuck, "oh for frikksake, not all ready" (several more swearwords may have been edited out) By the time I unstuck and ran up the wee climb, 2nd bunch was gone and I was in the next lot. Middle ring was sucking every now and then, which was annoying beyond belief, so I was using big ring a lot. I was at the front of our wee group coming into the warm up climb, and shifted into granny, and started up the climb, and.............chainsuck, for crying out loud. out came the lube, and a liberal coating. Back on the bike and climbing steadily, after the first wee pinch, the back pain was starting to kick in quite a lot. side note* on the tuesday I woke up and could barely move as my back was throwing a big wobbly at me, so for most of the week I was on anti-flammes and seeing the physio. Which all helped immensly, but still *side note off*
Kept going over the top and ripped down the loose DH into the creek, pulling a sweet pass as I went. Climbing might have been a struggle, but with the new fork, it was sweet as going down.
Going up Deadwood I didn't get any chainsuck in granny thank god, but the back was definitely limiting me. Didn't have full power, and the pain was just sapping my energy and will. But I did ride everything. The last really steep pinch, I was just muttering to myself "keep riding, this is the last steep bit, keep fucking riding, keep fucking riding" It worked, cos I kept riding. On the last few wee rollers to the cloustenville turnoff I got a few wee chainsucks in granny. This was not fun. Stuck it in teh dog and grinded up some ups for a bit, but had to drop it down to granny, and then more chainsuck. Lubed the chain once more, and kept riding, middle was the worst culprit, so I was studiously avoiding using it, rode some more in the dog which amused Jeff lyall no end. I caught Al at the top of the Uphill rock garden, and he was having more troubles with chainsuck than I was, and at the rate that I dropped him, surely must have been walking all the downhills. With some down coming, my mojo seemed to filter back a bit and I got some pace in, and the back was not hurting as much as it had been, so I put time into those behind me. Into the rock garden and I ripped down until the soap rock section, whereupon I came across Angry. He was smack bang on a line and I was semi dubious about it anyway, so to help his confidence I got off and ran, I personally think it was faster in that section (on a HT anyway), but soon got back on and rocked the brraap factor right up. Caught up to a whippersnapper, but he went left on a wrong line and I nailed the correct one, and pinned 'er again. the old arms were feeling a bit at the bottom, as was the back. But hey the 'Poti is all about the suffering right. Up the Staircase and I carried my bike the first 2-3 steps. Wasn't fast tho as the back was definitly hindering me quite badly at this point. Super Garth came past me like a rocket. Up past Craig Madsen who was taking great delight in capturing people suffering on camera. Quite a few people caught and passed me up the staircase, as I was struggling quite badly with the pain. Was getting chainsuck annoyingly so on the peddable bits as well, and for only the 5th time out of 39, I didn't make it up the last pinch. I was quite guttd about that. So whilst I greived over that, I lubed my chain once again. Nick K had caught and just passed me at the top as well. so I rode not too far behind him for a while, with Mike Hunn from OYB dangling in front as well. As soon as we got a wee down bit, the ag set in, and I wound the wick on a bit and ripped past Mr hunn and some others on a wee rocky descent. Put it in the dog and closed up on Dr Nick. Went passed him saying I'd see him on Dopers when he caught me, as I was expecting to be well in the pain box going up there.

As soon as big Ring started proper, My bellyfull of Aggro and the big wheels started to rip. I pretty much opened the taps right up, and let rip. My old pace was back and I flew down, I was having a great time. Into the creek at the bottom and I stopped to clean the drivetrain fully and gave her a good lube job on the other side. Studiously avoiding teh puddles on the way to dopers as well. Up dopers and I just wanted to ride it all. I settled into a comfy pace with Andrew Bott and speshy dude (who I'd been swapping palces with all day) just up ahead About halfway up I started to make inroads into those 2, and in the top 1/4 pulled away, starting to work into my stride quite nicely as the pain from my freakin nipples (blood spots on my top as well) started to overshadow the pain in my back. Hitting and top, and I said to myself, "you own this shit Slacky, no-one is going to pass you from here to the finish" Pinned the DH with a moment or 2 thrown in, but I was well on it, scarily so. Rode the river at the bottom easily and into the gorge. This is where the big wheels really work well and I was mashing the dog like a machine. All the challenge riders were very courteous and letting me past without a hint of trouble. Hit the rivers at the bottom in the correct gear forthe otehr side, and stomped thru, up the other side and a 2:51:37.
Gutted on one hand, as I know I could have gone far far quicker. But on the other hand, with the cards I was dealt with the back issue and that I could barely move on Tuesday, I did pretty frikkin well considering. As for the chainsuck, well thats just poti. I could ride that drivetrain all winter, and not get chainsuck once.
Rob Kilvington learned about crossing the river last year when I caught him napping last year, and he did the same to Ed as I'd done to him. Despite me warning Ed as well.
Top effort to all that raced. I also wanna add to all the fans, that those of us who go fast, and do the fast times, and also those around that 3 hour mark, we've got it easy. It's those who are out there for 5 plus hours that do it tough. It's those people that deserve the real Kudo's, they're the real hard bastards. People like Peter Blaxter who've had massive heart op's and are on lifetime medications who did 6:49. Massive bushlove double thumps up to you

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Slacky's Muddy Bits

I got mud EVERYWHERE at the national champs in Nelson over the weekend. All sorts of places you don't want to tell your mother about. And my buttcrack too!!!

So I packed the Burkes Lovebus up on teh wednesday night and jumped the 2:25am ferry. Squeezing a few hours of sleep on the floor of the mighty Arahura, I then drove thru the Fog to my lil bro's in Renwick. After an hours sleep out the front of his house cos I was too polite to wake the buggar up (I know, slacky polite, it's one of the signs of the coming appocolypse). I then got to meet a nephew I hadn't met yet, lil Curtis. And got to play for w while with my other nephew Conrad. Twas very cool, I then made myself useful and gave my Bro's bike a good service as it was a bit neglected. This was no isue thanks to the Burkes lovebus's Park tool Mechanics bag which was full of fabulous Park Tools (Marleens should send me some swag for the plug).

I then dribbled off to Nelson to check the course out. Upon arriving at the track I spotted Super Dave Wallace coming

in from a lap, he was ever so slightly dirty. And that was AFTER he washed himself in the creek. Noting that it was no longer raining, and still early in teh day I was thinking of putting of riding for the moment. Happily an extra excuse showed up when Derek and Ken, the UCI boys, showed up to walk the track. I ofered to come along, as not only would it let me shake the legs out from the drive, but it let me defer riding until the track was somewhat dryer. (and to spot a few sneaky lines too)

Firday was a much better and drier day, and 2 laps practice went by nice and easily. The track yeilding fantabulous amounts of grip and providing tonnes of enjoyment. However, sadly the evening brought rain. This was bad

The morning brought more rain. This was bad

Now as I only had 1 agressive trail tire in my arsenal, leaving me with a Stans

Raven on the rear I decided to go with the smart choice of a 700x32c Continential Twister cyclocross tire front and rear. This would mean I'd have nigh of 2 inches of mud clearence in the rear stays and skinniest tires (as Ken didn't race) by about an inch. To go with my tires, I decided to Euro up and add knee warmers (c/dale to

match my bike of course), merino armwarmers, vest and a roadie cap under the helmet for the classy CX racer look.

The race started with a hiss and a roar and everyone ripped off up teh road. A small leading bunch was off the front slightly, then me, then the rest. Into the singletrack down the stream and I was held up slightly by someone not overly liking the wetness. Not too worry, it was still early, however it allowed the rest of the gang to close up on me. Luckily I snuck past after the stream DH with a magnificant CX dismount and remount on the wee steep bit that EVERYONE walked/run up (yes thats right, worship me like the modest god I am) and I set about

catching the filthy roadie up ahead. Now at this point I'm unsure if Tones was ahead or behind, my fufu valve was fluttering so the minds a wee bit vague. I caught Al the roadie on a slippery lil uphill pinch which naturally he faffed up. But the sneaky buggar like the sight of my calves so much he hammered stragiht back onto my wheel. I might ahve been struggling at the point a wee bit (ok ok, no might, I was) Tones and Al quickly slipped past, obviously excited about my calves and needing to get to the finish all that much quicker for some alone time in the portaloo's. Kindly I let them go, as I knew their fragile psyches need all the help they could get coming into Karapoti week. As I was gathering my fufu valve together that wee lil punk Anton flew past me like a P addict looking to score, this depressed me, knowing that's he's LESS than half my age and I'm only 31.

I slowly caught Tones up and was on him like poo on a shoe on a hot day. And that was the end of the first wet and very muddy lap. Feeling a bit better, I got into my stride and easily, with my super skinny and grippy CX tires rode up the climbs at the start and gapped Tiger. Saw Cabin coming down teh creek with amighty lead, saw

Jase the Ace behind him, saw the roadie as well, yelled at him. Was quite funny as every lap I saw AL at nearly the same place, just 10 meters further back up the track each time. next few laps was pretty much a blur of mud and rocks, the odd root, some more mud, some passes, some being passed, passing some more, then putting time onto those I'd passed. I think that (outside of CAbin and Jase) in our class everyone was slowing down each lap, I just slowed down a little less than the others. Had 2 big near loses. One on the top 4WD section where I got crap in my eyes at very high speed and rode bronco style in the grass ditch practically blinded all the whilst thinking 'I'm going to eat shit and it's going to hurt'. No idea how I didn't, pure luck most likely.

Then another on the last DH in the S bend and came in well too hot and got all tank slappy all the way thru the corner, mere fluke that it didn't end badly I think. Knew at that start of the last lap that I had a pretty good gap on 4th, and that there was an even bigger gap to 2nd. so I just pretty much tried to consolidate and ride safely. Possbily I rode a bit too safe as Nick Emery closed up a wee bit on me. but 3rd is 3rd and I'm pretty darn stoked even tho I was well spanked by Jase and Cabin. Espeshly after being so sick at the begining of the year and it setting me back so much.

Did the Short course the next day as well. It was much drier than the previous day, tho still lots of slippery around, espeshly as we had to rip thru a creek. I did quite well at this the previous year at Occeanias, but didn't have as much luck this year. Still a butt load of fun tho.

Bring on the Poti

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Nats the Mud bath version

Woot my first MTB Nats and it was a mud fest!!!

So after a whole lot of packing (Myself, Bike, Wife and Child) into a package small enough to squash us all onto a plane the size sewing machine, we arrived to a sunny day in Nelson, soon to change into a slush fest of fun and games. Went out the watch the Gavatron smash it in the hill climb only to be beaten by George Bennett, Nelson (No relative to our Angry Bennett). Have to put this part in even though she might kill me... funniest part of the hill climb was when Ashley Burgess (Name and shame) ran off for a Bush-Slash, came running out from behind the trees screaming "Oh no I pissed on my trousers... and it was evident by the large patch down her leg that she had... Now, any normal person would walk out casually and say "Bugger, I stepped in a puddle" not Ashley, loud and proud... was value for money for the next hour, LOL

Race day was here and the nerves started, ahhh bugger the nerves, I was out to have a ball... The guys at Rocket had just installed a Stan's Tubeless kit on my rims which I am please to say held up a treat through this and Karapoti. Race start kicked off and dispite my worries the Larsen TT tyres held through the mud like a Davo to his childhood Teddy Bear (Mr Slobbers). Lap one started and I struggeled up the first hill turning to the first down hill in about 4th place Woot! After settling into a good pace I worked on catch the time I had lost on the first hill and caught SlackBoy midway through the first lap. This was unfortunately short lived as coming down the final hill of lap one I blew the front brakes on the Merida. Slackboy ripped past before the begining of lap 2. From here on my race turned into a marshmellow in a fat kids pocket. By the end of lap 2 I had blown my rear brake pads as well and was running the downhills... Tried on one of the open downhill parts of the track to ride it but to my surprise incrased speed even with brakes full on!! ended up with the choice of hitting a marshal or inocent by stander or bailing over a 2 mtr cliff, nice guy that I am I bailed!!!! Shit I wish I could have had that on camera, would have split my sides laughing...

The rest of the race was comical. Stoked with still finishing 10th in Masters 1 and a goal for a podium next year... (Cocky I know, but WTF ya only live once).

Racing in the mud at Nat's fun, running out of brake pads both front and rear... Priceless

From here on it was relaxation time, cruised to Mapua for breakfast with the fam and to see the "Touch the sea aquarium" (No boys no Mermaids to touch here, stick to courtnary place). Lesson learned, maintenance, maintenance, maintenance!!!!

Lets go Poti!!!!

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